My Beacon of Light in an Utter Darkness
by csiweberaz
Summary: It is about Grissom and Sara as they go their different ways and how life has a way of bringing them back together when they least expect it.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer I do not own Csi or any of its characters I am merely borrowing them.

Chapter one Finding my way

Sara had left a week after Warrick's funeral; she tried to get Grissom to go on a trip with her but ended in defeat. He claimed that he could not go that he had to stay because they were so short on staff. Sara understood she really did but that did not mean that she was not angry and unhappy.

She had been so excited to see him when she got back that they had one night of Passionate lovemaking. During that night, they forgot everything that they had always been careful about. Sara was not too worried though because she had been on the birth control pill and figured everything would be fine.

Grissom asked her to stay, she knew in her heart that she couldn't nothing felt the same here anymore. While she loved Grissom deeply and all of her friends and colleagues. She could not be around the sadness, Pain, and death of the job or Las Vegas anymore.

She had never been particularly fond of Vegas either. She had stayed there for one reason and one reason only her love of Grissom was stronger than any fear she had ever faced. But now, months and even years had passed. Time had changed them both, she still loved him deeply. However she yearned for more happiness than Vegas could give her. There were just too many harsh realities and memories here for her to be happy. So after Grissom had told her that he could not join her on a vacation, she stayed even for a few days longer.

When a frightening case came back yet to haunt her again she knew with or without Grissom it was time to move on with her life she could not stay here any longer. When she started talking to him about the case he motioned that maybe it was Tom Adler who needed his wife Pamela to leave him before he could feel comfortable enough to leave her. Then, he mentioned that time withered relationships.

Sara asked him who he was talking about and he made no comment. However one look was all she needed to know that he was indeed talking about them. That was it Sara was done she had fought the fight. She had come home to try and help him through his pain and sorrow along with her own. She felt like she was getting pulled down yet again and she was not ready to drown again. She felt happy, healthy and confident in herself for the first time in her whole life.

So she packed up her belongings, patted the dogs head, picked up her keys and was on her way back to San Francisco. This time she took her own car that way she could travel the world without having to fly everywhere or rent a car. Sara's mother had been ill when she had gone to see her the first time. Her mom was dying from Lung cancer from so many years of puffing away on her cigarettes. After Sara had witnessed the pain that her mother was going through she decided that she was never going to smoke again either.

Sara's mother passed away two weeks after Sara returned. In her will she had left her Grandmother's house to her along with all of the expensive antiques inside. Sara was in shock after reading her mother's last will and testament to find that her own Grandmother had been very wealthy in her day. She had collected valuable antiques and lived in old Victorian cape cod style home along the coast in North Carolina. Sara decided that there was nothing left for her here in San Francisco or back in Vegas. She decided that she was going to take a giant leap of faith and go to North Carolina and live in the home that her mother had grown up in when she was a little girl. Sara had never met her Grandmother but had always yearned to feel close to her.

Laura Sara's mother had been an only child and had grown up on the beach. She had told Sara many stories of running along the seashore finding shells and of her seaside adventures. Sara had always loved the ocean and was ready to start on a new and wonderful Journey.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two A new Beginning

Sara Packed up what was left of her old life piled it into her car and began her long journey from San Francisco to North Carolina. Three days and two nights later she pulled up to the old Cape Cod style house. It was huge it was two story's with a large covered front wrap around porch. Two old wooden rocking chairs sat on the porch along with a porch swing. The wind was blowing gently and the swing creaked as it swung back and forth. Trees lined up the old rocky drive way that pulled up to the house. It looked as if it had been built in the early eighteen hundreds. The house had been painted a light blue color with white trim and white shutters. It looked like it needed a new coat of paint.

Sara's mom had told her that the North Carolina Historic society had kept it up with repairs and that the whole house had been completely restored. All in the entire house and all of the antiques inside were well worth over five million dollars her mother had estimated.

Sara opened her car door pulled out her two suitcases and walked up the old front porch. Under the door mat was the key her mother had said. Sara pulled over the door mat and there sat the key to her new and hopeful future. Sara put the key in the lock and turned the knob. The old wooden door creaked open. Sara gasped at what she saw in front of her it was the most beautiful home she had ever been in. The living room was large and spacious two old burgundy Victorian couches sat along the walls. The front Window was large and allowed plenty of light to enter antique lace curtains lined the three large front windows. A chandelier hung above a cherry wood Victorian end table with an antique vase with fake roses in it. Large oval Burgundy rugs adorned the deep cherry wood floors. The floors had been refinished and were bright and shiny. Off the living room was a long hallway and on the right hand side it opened into a large kitchen. There in the corner was an old cast iron stove with an old antique coffee pot sitting on top. Also an old cast iron skillet lay next to the coffee pot. It still looked like it was useable. Cherry wood cabinets lined the walls and a few windows spaced in between allowed for the side view of the yard there outside was an old oak tree that looked well over a hundred years and tied to it was a large tire swing. The whole house seemed to be completely furnished.

Sara walked to the door at the end of the kitchen and it opened into a large dining room a long Cherry wood table sat under another beautiful crystal chandelier with old style gas lanterns that were made to look like candles.

There were four cherry wood chairs on each side of the table and one on each end of the table. It looked like a very formal setting and that once a large family must have had many dinners here. The house itself had a very warm and inviting feeling. For the first time Sara actually felt comfortable and at home.

In the back of the house was another hallway this one shorter and a study off the right side and a full library on the left. Another passageway opened to a long spiral staircase with beautiful cherry wood railings and old antique pictures lined the way up the stair case it twisted around two times before finally entering the upstairs level. Sara walked down this hallway and found four bedrooms on the left with a bathroom at the end and then on the right side of the hall was a large nursery and the Master Bedroom next to that with another bathroom at the end of the hallway on the right side. All in all it was a very large house; it had six bedrooms including the nursery, a living room, dining room, kitchen and a study. It was everything Sara had hoped for. She opened the door to the Master bedroom and set her suitcase on the large king size Victorian bed. On the far wall of the bedroom there were a set of French doors. Sara opened them up and walked out to a large patio with a railing and a beautiful view of the ocean and the beach. The back yard was full of oak and sycamore trees with a white picket fence that surrounded the grass filled yard. A rose garden bloomed in the left corner of the yard and at the back of the yard a large wooden gate led straight out to the rocky beach. In the far off distance Sara could see a light house gleaming in the noon day sun. Wow, what a view she thought, I will have to come out here at night.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three Vanishing thoughts

Meanwhile back in Vegas Grissom had come home to find Sara gone. No note or goodbye had been left for him. Not that he was surprised by any of this. He regretted what he had said to Sara but he couldn't take it back now. He felt lost and alone. Even his dog Hank no longer seemed happy and joyful as he once had been. The house seemed empty dark and cold. Loneliness was everywhere.

The pillow still smelled of Sara's hair her robe still hung on the door to the bathroom and she had left her night shirt in the dirty clothes. Nothing felt the same anymore. With Warrick gone and now Sara life just seemed to be gone for Grissom.

Sara has been his one light in the darkness. If he followed her light he always seemed to end up on the right track. Now he was in the dark and felt utterly hopeless. His cell phone rang, "Hello," It was Catherine asking him if he was coming in tonight or not. "Gil, there has been a triple homicide we need you in here now!" "Alright Catherine, calm down I will be right in, he replied."

Grissom took a long hot shower and got dressed for work he started thinking back to when he and Sara used to shower together and the laughter and funny times they used to share now that was all gone. It had always been his greatest fear that she would eventually grow tired and leave him and now that had finally happened. Except he was the one who had pushed her away. He yearned for her to be happy he could not afford to leave Vegas now. Not with everything in the air the way it was and with new trainees coming in they were going to need his expertise. He grabbed a bagel on the way out and headed to his lonely night of crime solving.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four Finding a new job

Sara had settled into her new house very well. She loved the smell of the ocean in the morning and she would sit out on the patio off the bedroom every morning and watch as the sunlight hit the ocean waves. Today she was reading the want ads in the local newspaper and had found an add that she was interested in. They were looking for a Part time forensic specialist to help with Anthropology. Sara was more than qualified and it not only paid well but had good benefits too. Sara had called earlier and had set up an appointment for an interview and was now getting dressed and prepared to meet someone who might be her new boss.

She pulled on her new black business Jacket and put a red button up shirt on underneath and a mid-length black skirt under that. She threw on her black pumps and headed out the door. She was hopeful that she would find a new job that she liked. She drove the long road to the city and found the office she was looking for, it was in Raleigh North Carolina a big city but beautiful Sara thought.

She pulled up to the local crime center and got ready for her interview. She walked up the steps and opened up the glass doors. She had not been this nervous since the first day that she had started working at the Vegas crime Lab. This Lab was much smaller but it still seemed very nice. "Hi, how may I help you?" The receptionist asked. "Yes, my name is Sara Sidle I am here for an interview that I called about earlier?" "Oh, yes Sara Sidle, from the Vegas crime lab you were the one interested in the Anthropology department position." "Yes," Sara said that's me. "Ok one moment Dr. Bjorn will be up in one moment please take a seat." "Thank you, Sara replied and sat down in the waiting area.

Sara was expecting to see an old man with white hair and glasses from the mention of the name. But instead a tall middle age woman with Short dark red hair and black rimmed glasses showed up. She looked to be maybe in her mid forties and she had a white lab coat that said NC Forensics on it. "Hi, you must be Sara," the woman said. "I have actually read a few of your articles from Vegas and I have heard a lot about you and a Dr. Grissom that you used to work with." "You have very good resume, she said I am very impressed." "I am Dr. Bjorn by the way please come with me." "Oh okay Sara said, Thank you!"

Both women walked through the different offices and walked down a flight of stairs until they came to another office that read Anthropology on the door. The older woman stuck a key in the office door opened it and clicked on the light. There were large shelves everywhere with different bones and skeletons ranging from human to animal. Everything was very neat and orderly.

Sara sat down in the chair on the opposite side of the desk where Dr. Bjorn sat.

"Well Sara, I am Dr. Melinda Bjorn Forensic Anthropologist for Raleigh North Carolina Crime Center. We are looking for a part time associate to help out in the anthropology center during the day shift." "The hours would be eight a.m. to one p.m. everyday except Saturday and Sundays. All though you would still be on call during the weekend if we needed you." "Does this sound like something you would be interested in?" "Yes, I have done a lot of work on Anthropology throughout the years, I worked for the Las Vegas Crime Lab for almost nine years and handled thousands of different cases." "I also took three different Forensic Anthropology courses throughout the years I think that I am plenty qualified for the position." "Well Sara, if you would like the job it is yours, you will be working with myself and one other associate named Katie Darr she is also part time on the day shift and she would be the one training you." "Can you start Monday?" "Yes Monday sounds great, I am looking forward to getting back to the grind stone", Sara said. "Alright well here is your lab coat and your badge and your parking permit I will see you on Monday then." "It was nice to meet you Sara; I look forward to working with you." "Yes, it was nice to meet you too I will be here bright and early Monday morning," thank you Sara replied.

With her badge lab coat and parking pass Sara walked back out to her car feeling very worthwhile and proud of herself. She finally had a job that was based on her skills and education and not a romantic affair. She was very proud of herself and her new life.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter five back to the Grinding Stone

Gilbert Grissom was just finishing up his triple homicide case with Catherine, when he pulled up to a very familiar place. It was Lady Heather's Dominion, he had not been here for over a year but he felt an urge to talk to his old friend. Loneliness had consumed his life and he was ready to share his thoughts with someone who understood him. Lady heather answered the door and seemed very surprised to see him. "Hello, Gil I am surprised to see you here, does Sara know that you are here?"

"No he replied, I don't know where Sara is, she left two weeks ago without even saying goodbye." "I am sorry to hear that Gil but why come here why now?" "I need a friend Heather, I have to have someone to talk to, and Catherine is in too much pain of her own right now after loosing Warrick to talk to me." "Well come on in, Want some tea?" "Yes that would be nice Heather, thank you." "Your welcome Gil, now what do you want to talk about?" "Life," he said. "Sara and I have never been the same after Natalie took her." "She was so frightened after all of that she couldn't work in the crime lab anymore." "She took off and left me for the whole summer." "She went to San Francisco to see her mother and catch up on old times." "When she came back two weeks ago nothing was the same." "She even looked different and acted different." "I don't know her like I used to," he replied. "Do you still love her Gil? People change all the time and it doesn't mean that you don't love them anymore it just means that they felt the need to change." "Yes, I still love, her, I will always love her Heather, she is the only woman that truly seems to understand me." "She wanted me to go on a vacation with her but I can't right now." "Not with the crime lab in the situation that it is we are short staffed enough as it is." "Are you still happy Gil? Do you still like working there?" "Because you look like you are completely miserable, you look like you have not slept in ages."

"I am not happy there anymore, but I have to train the new people I can't leave Catherine, Nick and Greg on their own." "You know Gil, sometimes you have to not worry about every one else and worry about yourself for a change." "When all is said and done, the crime lab is not going to comfort and love you Gil." "I know Heather, but I have to finish this for Warrick."

"Finish what for Warrick Gil; he is dead and gone now." "There is nothing left of him, don't you think that he would want you and Sara to be happy?" "You know I never thought about it that way Heather, you make a lot of sense." "Come lay down Gil, I think you need some sleep before you go driving home it is not safe." Grissom lay down on Heather's couch and listened to the clock dinging in the darkness all at once everything seemed to make sense. Was he too late to be with Sara would she take him back? Or could he even find her? His thoughts of Sara drifted into his mind as slowly his eyes succumbed to the darkness of sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six the weekend sickness

It had now been about a month since Sara had left Las Vegas. It was a Saturday morning before she was supposed to report to work. She had been excited for her weekend she was going to do some cleaning and gardening. However her body had a different plan than her mind did. When she awoke that morning she instantly felt nauseous the world was spinning around her. At first she thought that maybe she had just got up too quickly. But after about a half an hour she started running for the toilet. Thank God the bathroom was the next door down.

For the next three hours all she could do was keep retching into the toilet until there was nothing left to come up. She had a horrible headache and was still dizzy. I wonder if I have the stomach flu or food poisoning she thought. Sara finally felt good enough to crawl back into bed and she spent the next four hours reading a novel that she had got from Nick for Christmas.

Sara got up and put on her robe she walked out onto the patio and sat down on her chair facing the sun. Her thoughts turned to Grissom, she missed him horribly but maybe with time life will get better she thought. Sara fixed a quick egg salad sandwich and then headed out to the beach. It was late October now so it was chilly outside. She wrapped a shawl around her that she had found in an old dresser in the attic. It must have been her Grandmother's she felt very close to her as she wore it. Sara watched as the waves started to disappear into the fading sunset. The bright glow of the moon hit the ocean waves and glittered in the moonlight. In the far off distance Sara could see the bright light of the light house and thought about how Grissom had always been her beacon of light in her life.

Again Sara felt dizzy she tripped on a rock and fell into the soft sand. Then again she felt the urge to be sick so she dug a whole in the rocky shore and lost her lunch and dinner. Boy Sara thought if this is food poisoning it sure is lasting a long time.

After another half an hour of being sick Sara finally felt good enough to walk the short distance to the backyard gate and head into the house. She climbed up the stairs to her bedroom took another shower, lit a fire in the fireplace and crawled into bed. She watched as the flames danced around into the darkness before she too succumbed to the darkness of the night and drifted off to sleep.

Sunday came and went and much like Saturday Sara was sick the whole day. If this keeps going on I am going to have to go to the doctor and have a check up she thought.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven Life of unending loneliness

Grissom's weekend went by much the same as any other weekend. He would take Hank out for his morning jaunt then the two would settle by the park bench. Grissom would toss the tennis ball for Hank, and then he would read the paper until the slobbery, fuzzy green ball would end up on top of his article again. Then he would toss it over and over until the dog would become restless and plopped down next to him. What a monotonous way to spend the morning Grissom thought.

Again his thoughts returned to Sara wondering what she was doing at that very moment. Was she thinking about him too? Did she still love him? He never thought he would miss her this much. After the first time she left he became used to their daily phone calls, but now there no was no communication at all. It was as if Sara had disappeared off the face of the earth completely. He missed Warrick terribly, but without Sara his life just felt pointless. Heather was right if he wasn't happy with himself, how he would ever be happy at his job.

He had never had the feeling before that he didn't want to come into work he had always been excited for the new mysteries and cases that Las Vegas had to offer him. But he too like Sara was now starting to feel the emotional drain that it had on you. He was tired of seeing dead lifeless bodies, and having to watch families grieve the loss of their loved ones. The mysteries didn't challenge his mind anymore. They just made him sick to his stomach he would rather stay in bed than get up and go to work.

Grissom called in sick three times that week. That was when Catherine knew that something was not right. It was more than just a migraine and her and Nick both knew it. She was ready to come to his rescue. Her, Nick and Greg stopped by the diner picked up some coffee and pancakes to go and then headed on their way over to Grissom's townhouse.

Catherine knocked on the door while Greg held the coffee and Nick held the boxes of pancakes. There was no answer at the door. Catherine knew he was home and she had a spare key to get in. "Come on guys I am going in whether he likes it or not. Something is bothering him and I am going to get it out of him whether I have to beat him senseless or not. She stuck the key in the door and opened it up. There in sweat pants and an old t shirt was Grissom he was just sitting there staring into space.

"What in the Hell are you doing Gil?" Catherine yelled at him to see if she could break him out of his trance. "Whaat, huh, oh I was just sitting here thinking about Sara and all of the good times we used to have." "Well, you look awful you stink you smell like you haven't taken a bath in a few days!" "Thanks for noticing Catherine he angrily growled. "Come to think of it, it has been three days I guess I better go shower, you can all leave now." "No chance buddy," piped up Nick. "You are not getting rid of us that easily we know that something is wrong now spill it before I jump in the shower with you. "Ha, ha, very funny Nick like that will ever happen." "Believe me Grissom I don't want it to happen the thought of that makes me want to take a gun and shoot myself." "Then why did you bring it up Nick?" "Look Griss I was just being sarcastic, we are all worried when was the last time that you ever called in sick three days in a row?" "Never," replied Grissom. "Exactly, Greg joined in. We even brought you breakfast we know that Sara would want us to take good care of you." "Are you even eating?" "Yes, Greg I am eating now will all just go away and let me swim in my sorrows." "No chance in Hell, Catherine replied. "Come on lets eat the pancakes, I'm starved." Grissom smelled the smell of the pancakes even he had to admit that they looked good so he joined Greg, Nick and Catherine at the table for a lonely breakfast between friends.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter eight Hell Week

It was now bright and early on a Monday in October and Sara was supposed to report to her new job today. She was supposed to be excited, however she felt horrible. The nausea had come back with a vengeance again she was dizzy but now she had heartburn she felt like her insides were flaming.

The alarm starting buzzing again when Sara grabbed it and threw it across the room "Shut up you damn thing, or I am going to blow you too bits!" Well, at least Grissom isn't here to see me yelling at an alarm clock Sara thought. The next thing Sara knew she again was running for the toilet and started heaving the one piece of toast she had managed to get down. Afterward she just started crying she was a complete and utter wreck. If only Grissom was here to take care of me she thought he would know what to do. He would get some warm broth going on the stove rub my back and hold me until I felt better.

This was the weirdest sickness Sara had ever seen one minute she would be heaving over the john and the next she would feel like she was starving. What is wrong with me she thought am I going mad. The climate shouldn't change me that much should it? Sara started thinking really hard about things, at that moment it dawned on her everything started filling her mind. She remembered the night of passion where her and Grissom lost control. Then she started thinking about how they didn't use protection. Then she remembered Oh hell, she thought I was supposed to have my monthly over two weeks ago. It can't be, she thought there is no way in hell this is happening to me! Sara started pacing back and forth she started sweating. Then she was sick again and started retching over the toilet until there was nothing left to retch.

Crap she thought I still have to go into work, Well I guess I better get going I will have to worry about this little matter later. Sara threw on her work clothes and headed out for the twenty minute drive to the Raleigh Crime Lab. As she was driving the nightmare began to unfold in her mind. Being a single mother, changing diapers, a screaming wailing infant to take care of all on her own. Being a mother was Sara's greatest fear. She had never told anyone the way she felt about it because she just figured everyone would think she was a lunatic. However, when you watch your father beat you and your mother senseless and then watch as your mother kills your own father anyone would be terrified to have children.

Finally Sara arrived at the Lab and walked up the lonely cement steps through the glass doors she punched her badge in the time clock and headed downstairs for the Anthropology department. This is when Sara me Katie Darr, she was a young woman around her mid thirties she looked to be about the same age as Sara. She was very petite blond hair so blond it was almost white. She had the biggest gorgeous blue eyes Sara had ever seen her hair was short a line style and kept very nice. She looked to be about five feet tall and she had black rimmed glasses that fit her round face very nicely. "Hi, my name is Sara Sidle." "You must be Katie Darr?" "Yes, you got me there pleased to meet you Sara your right I am Katie so are you ready to get to work?" "Yes Sara replied I have never been more ready in my life."

The start of the day was rather uneventful. Katie and Sara mostly chatted about college and the forensic classes that they had attended. They talked about different cases that they had seen and worked on. Katie and Sara seemed to get along very nicely. Katie was very friendly and down to earth and boy she loved to talk. Sara had no idea that so many words could come out of one woman's mouth.

Then the sickness hit again just after Sara had ate her lunch. She felt it coming right back up. Katie's eyes got large, "Ummm Sara, not to sound bossy but you don't look so good maybe you should go to the bathroom or something." Just as Katie mentioned bathroom that was all Sara needed to make her final run into the woman's restroom for the third time since they had sat down to eat.

Katie came into the bathroom after Sara had been in there for nearly an hour, "Sara are you okay?" she asked. "No I feel like a walking puke factory." "I hate to do this on my first day on the job but I just don't feel well I think I am going to have to go home." "It's okay Sara; I understand how long have you been feeling like this?" "I felt like this the whole weekend, I think I have the stomach flu, I am going to make a doctor's appointment." "Sara, I know that we don't know each other very well but is there any chance that you might be pregnant?" Katie asked. "Actually, yes that is a very real possibility Katie, it was only one night but I think that I am going to get a home test and take it right away." "Sara, why don't you just start next week and get yourself feeling better, you will still have the job." "You are of no use to us if you are sick." "You, know Katie, I think that is a good idea thank you for being so understanding." "I promise I will be back next week feeling as good as new." "Sara, do what you need a baby always comes first, I have three kids myself I understand how it is." "Wow, three kids huh, well I guess since you are experienced I will have to get your advice sometime." "Hey thanks again Katie, I am going to head home now." "Alright, take it easy Sara, and don't worry everything will turn out for the best." Sara didn't know if Katie was right. Right now she was absolutely petrified at the idea of being pregnant. She was good at hiding her feelings. Sara jumped in the car and drove off to the store to pick up a few tests.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter nine Inside the mind of a Grissom

(This chapter is set in first person it is set in the eyes and feelings of Grissom I thought that it would be a unique of telling how he is feeling.)

Now here I was completely drunk, I was drowning out my sorrows of the loss of my best friend and my fiancée in a bottle of scotch. I had continued to go to work despite that I had no like of my job anymore. To me it just seemed like a depression factory. Every time I walked in my office I started having flash backs of the times that Sara and I shared together there. Catherine, Nick and Greg had all expressed their concern to me that I was withdrawing again and becoming a living hermit crab. At this point I didn't care what anyone thought. I was happier with my bottle of scotch than listening to the rants and raves of my friends and colleagues. What did they know they didn't know how much I missed Sara, or that I blamed myself for Warrick's death.

It was all becoming too much, every morning after shift I would come home turn on my classical garb and sit on my couch and warm up to my bottle of scotch until I passed out and fell asleep. Nothing would take away the pain but at least the scotch numbed it a little. I didn't care about anything anymore I was going to quit my job this week. I had enough death and depression for a lifetime. It was time for me to move on to something new and maybe better.

I didn't know what I was going to do or where I was going to go, but I knew that I couldn't stay here anymore. There was nothing left for me anymore. The team all could handle things without me now. I had taught them everything that they needed to know. In fact they were now teaching me. I now knew exactly how Sara felt and why she had left. Boy had I been an idiot I didn't see what was right in front of me all along. I should have left with Sara; we should be married starting a new life together. Now I was married to my booze and my life didn't seem to have any meaning anymore.

I was feeling lonely again so I called myself a cab because I was too drunk to drive. I had decided that if I couldn't have Sara I was going to have the next best thing and so I told the cab to take me to Heather's place. The cab pulled up in front of the mansion I paid him and walked my way up the cement stairs. I knocked on the door at first no one answered. But then after three knocks and a ring of the doorbell Heather appeared. Her eyes looked confused as if she didn't know why I was there. I don't think I knew exactly why I was there either. All I know is that when you are drunk you are not thinking clearly but at this moment in time I just didn't care anymore. "Gilbert, what in the hell are you doing here yet again? I told you to go find Sara I don't need your baggage right now." "Heather, I am not here for your pity, I slurred." "I am here for your Sex." She looked at me very surprised like I didn't know what I was talking about. Moments later I walked in the door and caught her by the wrist. I pulled her close to me and kissed her as hard as I could. "Gilbert!" She screamed "STOP you are Drunk!" Again I was too intoxicated to care about anything else in my mind I was picturing Sara and that was who I wanted and nothing was going to get in my way.

So again I grabbed her and pulled her close. This time she didn't struggle she kissed me back. I started struggling to take her shirt off and fumbled with the buttons. Just then the clock starting making a loud DONG, DONG, DONG! It scared me I jumped about a mile, I broke off the kiss and looked up it was then that I realized what I was doing.

This woman was not Sara, it was Heather and I should not be here right now using her for my sorrow. That was the last thing that she or I needed. Heather looked at me in utter confusion as if she didn't know what was going on. "Where were we Gil?" This time she grabbed my wrist and pulled me close but I ripped my hands out of hers and put them up to defend myself. "Heather, I am so sorry, I shouldn't be here right now." "I don't know what I was thinking, I am drunk and I am not thinking at all I cannot use you like this it is not fair." "It's okay Gil, I don't mind she replied." "Yes, but I do, I am still in love with her Heather and I need to go find her before I end up making the biggest mistake of my life."

With that I turned and walked out the door and let it shut behind me. I felt like such an ass how could I do that to a perfectly innocent woman. Yet even worse how could I do that to Sara. True she had left me but I was the one who had pushed her away. I was never good at relationships and I had never been good with people either. At that moment I knew what I had to do. I had to find Sara and confess my true feelings to her before it was too late. It was now or never I thought. I finally got the kick in the ass that I needed to get my life out of Vegas and on to the next place where ever that might be.

So I flipped out my cell phone and called a cab it took me back to my town house where I started that night packing all of my belongings into cardboard boxes. I could not live here anymore either without Sara this life and this place were pointless. I was miserable and it was now time for me to get my head out of my ass and take the leap of faith that I needed to be happy.

I didn't know where she was or how to find her but I knew that somewhere out in the darkness of the night. My beacon in the dark was lit up signaling for me to come home and home was where I wanted to be.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter ten Surprise expect the unexpected

(This chapter is set in Sara's point of view in the first person what are her feelings and how will she take the news or will she?)

I Sara Sidle had just turned thirty six years old. I was single and living all alone for the first time in two years. I had gotten used to having someone around to love, comfort and be worried about me. Now there was no one. I was it the only person in my life was me.

My mother had just passed away and I have to tell you I had been feeling very lonely for the past two weeks. I never expected Grissom to react the way he did when I got back. But what should I expect; I had just up and left him high and dry with no warning except a goodbye kiss and a letter.

I now knew how he must have felt. It must have been devastating for him. He had always been worried that I would just up and leave him one day. What he didn't know is it wasn't because of him that I left. I had to leave because I was sick inside I could not take one more depressing moment of that job. I had thoughts of suicide and more over I did not want him to watch me drown. Now my nightmares were a thing of the past seeing my mom again and revisiting my past had tremendously helped my psyche. Emotionally I felt better than I had in almost six years. However physically now I felt sick.

I went upstairs into my bedroom; I grabbed my robe and a towel and headed into the bathroom to take a shower. After my shower I grabbed the paper bag with the seven (yes seven different pregnancy tests) pregnancy tests that I had purchased and I grabbed a paper cup and alleviated my bladder into it. Then I ripped them open one by one dipped them into the cup put the caps back on and started the five minute timer.

It amazed me that it only could take five minutes to tell you are pregnant but it takes a whole lifetime how to learn to be a mother. That was the longest five minutes of my life. I just sat there on the toilet seat waiting for the clock to beep.

Thoughts of dread and despair came flying into my mind. I had never wanted to be a mother. I was afraid no petrified of children. The way that they look at you when something is wrong and cry for no reason. They have no control over their emotions. The thoughts of being responsible for another human life scared me to death. I had a hard enough time just taking care of myself. How in the world was I ever going to be able to take care of a little helpless infant? What was I going to do when that infant became a teenager and started dating and asking me the questions of life? I didn't even know the answer to the questions of life myself.

I had never had much of a mother; I had grown up as a foster kid shuffled around from house to house. I had no stability growing up and what I remembered of my parents was down right scary. I remember the nights of having my arm twisted and thrown into my room because the house wasn't clean. I remember getting yelled at by my father when my mother didn't come home from work on time and there was no dinner on the table.

Would I be like my father and mother? Or would I just shut down like I did after Natalie took me? It had taken me six months of extreme therapy just to be able to talk about that night. Now here it was eight months later and my life was changing faster than I could even imagine.

What was I going to tell Grissom? Did he trust me? Would he even believe that he was the father? Or would he think that I cheated on him with someone else. Grissom and I had talked about having children both of us had come to the same conclusion that it was hard enough just taking care of the dog. We were happy with each other and we were too old to be parents. He had told me that he himself liked children but that he never wanted any of his own. His job was just too hectic to take care of one.

We had both been content with the thought of getting married and growing old together by ourselves with our dog we didn't need any more emotional or physical responsibility. We had always been very careful and timed everything just right. We were always prepared for whatever lies ahead and now here I was facing a moment of truth that I didn't know if I could bear.

Finally I heard the beep of the stop watch. Well its now or never I thought. The first one I picked up had two pink lines across which meant POSITIVE I think I just died no way could this be happening to me. The second one was a digital one again in the window it said PREGNANT! No way it had to be wrong it just had to be. The third one again positive and the fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh all read in a big way PREGNANT. I Sara Sidle was now responsible for a tiny being that was growing inside of me half of me and half of Grissom and I was scared to death.

I was sick to my stomach after the show that I had in the bathroom. I leaned over the toilet and retched until I could retch no more. Then the faucet turned on I started bawling. I was in no way prepared to do this with someone yet now I found my self alone and all by myself. The burden was great and I just wanted to crawl in bed and die and never return. So for that night that is exactly what I did. I put on Grissom's old Harvard sweat shirt which still smelled of him crawled under my covers and cried myself to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter eleven Finding Sara

Grissom went back to the lab that Monday to quit his job number one and next to see if he could somehow find Sara being an investigator came in handy for some things. He walked into his office and began packing his things away.

Catherine came in and her jaw dropped, "Gil what are you doing are you getting rid of all this old crap?" "It is not crap Catherine and no I am not getting rid of it I am just packing it up." "Why are you packing it up do you need some more space or something?" "Catherine I don't know how to tell you this, but I am done working here I am taking an early retirement." "Catherine I was such an Ass I need to find Sara I want to be with her my life just feels pointless here without her." "Wow! Gil, I never thought I would hear you say that word." "Well I have to say it is about time that you took some time off but why retire why not just take a vacation go and get her and bring her back with you?"

"Because Catherine Sara is not happy being here in Vegas anymore and neither am I." "I care about you Nick, and Greg, Catherine and even Brass, but my life is ready for the next phase." "Look, I know that I am fifty three years old and I should have done this years ago but I am ready to settle down." "Sara is the love of my life Catherine I never thought I would admit that to anyone but she is." "I love her with all my heart, mind, and soul and as a friend of mine once said if you are not happy with yourself than how can you be happy at all." "Well Gil, you know that Nick, Greg and I are going to miss you horribly but I think that it is about time that you started thinking about your own happiness before it is too late and there is nothing left to be happy about." "Gil, make sure and call and please come and visit." "You are like a brother to me Gil, and I do love Sara too, I know that we didn't always get along but we are family first and for most make her happy Gil." "You hurt her again and I will have to hunt you down and shoot you."

Tears started streaming down Catherine's cheeks she never thought that she would see the day when Dr. Gilbert Grissom would say that he wanted to quit and settle down but here he was finally pouring his soul out to her. Catherine gathered him in a hug and cried a little more before she pulled back gave him a kiss on the cheek and said "Go and get her Gil never look back." With that statement Catherine walked out of the lonely office to find Nick and Greg and tell them the sad yet exciting news.

Grissom finished packing his stuff in a little under two hours then he was off to find Jim Brass a homicide detective that was not only his coworker but his best friend. If anyone could help him find Sara he could. Grissom walked into Brass's office, "Hey Jim how's it going?" "Not bad, what about you?" We haven't seen you around here much lately." Catherine said that you haven't been feeling very well. "I have just been having an emotional time lately Jim nothing more." "Well I am glad to see that you are back." "Actually Jim, that is what I have come to talk to you about, I am not staying I have taken an early retirement." "I need to find Sara and make everything right with her." "After Natalie took her I proposed to her and we were supposed to get married." "Then she just up and left me for six months and then came back." "She wanted me to go on a trip with her but I refused and said that we were too short staffed for me to leave." "Now I am a complete and utter wreck without her, it has taken me along time to get where I am Jim and I have made so many mistakes." "I am ready to settle down now with Sara I just hope that I can find her and tell her how much I love her before it is too late."

"Hasn't she called you at all or left a letter or anything?" "No Jim, that's what worries me that is not like Sara I pushed her away before she left it, is my fault." "Well Grissom I got a phone call the other day from my friend in North Carolina her name is Dr. Bjorn she is a forensic anthropologist that I used to work with back in my days in Jersey she had just been a new trainee back then. Now she is a Doctor and doing well for her self. She called to let me know that they were thankful that we sent Sara Sidle their way and that they were happy to put her to work." "What part of North Carolina Jim?" "Raleigh she said I don't know her phone number or address or anything but I know that she is working in Raleigh North Carolina." "Thanks Jim that should help a lot."

"Before you go Gil, just remember that I care a lot about you and Sara, I wish you the best of happiness." "It is about time you got your head out of your ass and did something for yourself and Sara instead of everyone else." "Take care of her Grissom." "I swear to you if you ever hurt "Cookie" I will come and hunt you down my self. "Don't worry Jim I think that I have already done enough hurt for one lifetime I am ready for the happy times now." "You know Gil, I never thought that I would hear the day that you would admit that but I am glad that you are finally ready for some happiness in your life time." "It took way too long for you to get here." "Don't waste anytime Gil go and get her, oh and remember to write." "I will Jim; I will thank you again for everything."

With that Grissom packed up the rest of his things turned in his gun and badge threw his stuff in his car and drove back to the town house to pick up Hank and any other items that he might need and he was ready for his long journey to North Carolina where somewhere in the darkness a beacon of light was waiting for him.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter twelve Facing Reality

It had been a long week for Sara, first finding out that she was pregnant and second starting a new job. Sara had made an appointment with the OBGYN for today at three p.m. just after she got off work. She had talked to Katie about pregnancy and all of the changes and woes that you go through. Katie had promised her that everything would be okay and that she would be there to help Sara out in anyway that she could.

Sara drove down the road to a building that read Seaside Women's Center. Sara walked in and signed the in at the front of the office. "Is this your first time here?" the secretary asked." "Yes, Sara said, I just moved here from Vegas." "Have you had any other pregnancies?" "No," Sara replied. "Okay well Sara, Doctor Cosgrove will see you in a few minutes take a seat and fill out this paper work for us while you wait."

Sara started filling out the paper work and she looked around the clinic. All of the women there seemed to be in some stage of pregnancy. Sara felt a little bit better knowing that she was not the only one who had been puking her guts out and feeling like a bloated beached whale.

I wonder why anyone would want to be pregnant in the first place she thought. Then another woman walked in with a car seat in tow inside was a tiny little being perfect in every way. A little boy dressed all in blue sucking happily on a binkie and looking sleepy and content. Sara watched the little one as the women sat down in the seat in the corner of the office.

The baby started to cry and the woman immediately picked him up and started to rock him back and forth while she gently patted his back. He whimpered a little more and as the mother spoke to him he calmed down content. The woman looked into his little eyes and smiled at him.

Then the most unexpected thing happened the baby smiled back at his mother. At that moment Sara was captivated watching at how happy one little being could make a full grown woman melt inside. Sara decided that maybe being a mother was not such a bad thing.

At least she wouldn't be alone anymore she would be able to have someone keep her company during those cold and lonely nights. Someone to bake Christmas cookies with and decorate the tree, someone to take to the park and push in a swing. Someone whom she could smile at and feel the love and happiness in return.

Just then Sara's name was called. Sara stood up and walked back with the nurse. "We need to get your weight dear, and then I need you to leave us a urine sample." Sara went to the restroom finished up and the nurse led her down the hall. "Okay Dr. Cosgrove will be in soon." The Dr. came through the door he was an older man in his early sixties he had white hair and glasses but he was very pleasant looking Sara didn't feel quite as scared seeing that he seemed to be a nice Doctor. "Hi there Sara, how are you feeling to day," he said.

"Well, I have been feeling very nauseous the last few weeks; I have hardly been able to keep anything down." "I also have major heartburn and I feel very dizzy all the time." "Well Sara the nausea and the heartburn are pretty normal, but you should not be feeling that dizzy all the time." "I will need to check and see if you are anemic or not." "It is very common for women when they are pregnant to become anemic due to the strain of the fetus taking iron from the mother."

"Do you want to hear the heartbeat?" he asked. "You can hear it already?" Sara was completely shocked. "Well it depends, usually we can hear it by ten to twelve weeks if not we can do an ultrasound and hear it on that even earlier." "Okay that will be fine." At that moment panic again started setting in Sara's mind it was one thing to think about a baby but a whole other story when you actually had physical proof of it being inside you. Sara as an investigator knew that the evidence never lies.

Dr. Cosgrove pulled out the Doppler and put the cold jelly on Sara's stomach. She flinched she had no idea it would be that cold. He just laughed, "Sorry Sara," he said. "I should have warned you first." Then he started moving the little wand around trying to find the heart beat all of a sudden Sara heard a whoosh, whoosh, it was very fast. Then he moved it over to the other side of her stomach and she heard another whoosh, whoosh.

The doctor got a very funny look on his face and Sara started to worry. "What is wrong is everything okay?" "Yes Sara, everything is fine I just need to do an ultrasound to make sure what I am hearing is right." "What are you hearing doc?" "Well, Sara this may come as a shock but I think that I can hear two heartbeats, but I am not sure so I am going to bring the ultra sound machine in." "Just wait here, and calm down everything will be okay."

Dr. Cosgrove stepped out and Sara was completely baffled. She was very confused and frightened. She had been scared to know that there was even one tiny being growing inside of her but two? How in the hell could there be two? She had not taken fertility pills and it there had only been one night of passion in the last eight months.

Tears started streaming down Sara's cheeks she tried to keep calm she really did. But she was loosing it emotionally anyway. The doctor came back in to see Sara shaking and tears streaming down her cheeks. "What is wrong honey?" "I know that you are scared but trust me everything is going to be fine they sounded very healthy now lets just take a look." He patted Sara on the arm and she lay down again. She lifted her shirt up and again more cold jelly was placed on her abdomen. This time she saw a picture on the screen though. Wow she thought that is what it looks like inside of me? The doctor began pointing to the screen "Look, Sara that is baby A."

All Sara could see was a little peanut shaped form with arms and legs but as he zoomed in closer she saw a head bobbing up and down it even had little feet and little hands. Then she saw it inside of the baby she could see a heart beating. "Do you want to hear it again?" "Yes," Sara replied. The doctor turned up the sound on the machine and again you could hear a whooshing sound but this time she could see it too.

The doctor then moved the wand on the other side of her abdomen and again he pointed to the screen. "Sara, this is Baby B, see there?" Again she saw the same kind of form a little peanut looking creature with a little head, arms, feet, and hands. Everything a perfect little human being, again she saw another tiny little heart beating. "Can you hear it?" The doctor asked. "Yes, I can hear it thank you," Sara replied.

"Well Sara you are indeed having twins, you are about twelve weeks along." "I know that it sounds scary but women do it all the time I think that you are going to be just fine." "I do need you to put on some more weight though." "You are under weight for you height." "I am going to give you some medicine to help with the morning sickness." Then the doctor pricked Sara's finger and checked to see if she was anemic.

"Sara, you are indeed anemic not extreme but carrying around twins is harder than just one so I am going to put you on iron supplements." "I also need you to start taking a prenatal vitamin twice a day instead of just once because of having two babies inside of you." "When you have twins your hormone levels raise much higher than just having a single fetus." I would also like you to take it easy no high stress and no major exercising." "You are fine to do light walking." "But other than that I would take it easy."

Sara felt like a tornado had just rushed in and blew her away. All of this information at once was too much. It was one thing to find out that yes you are pregnant, but then a whole other ball of wax to find out that there are two little beings inside of you. The doctor shoved the prescriptions in Sara's hands and walked out the door. He told her to make another appointment in a month to make sure everything was okay.

Then that was it now Sara felt completely alone. She got into her car and drove to the pharmacy she filled the prescriptions and then drove home. Now reality had hit Sara like a ton of bricks. She was very angry at Grissom not just angry but fuming to say the least. "You dumb ass you just push me away at the worse time of my life!" "How in the hell could you do this to me Gilbert Grissom!" Sara was talking to an empty room but at least she was starting to get her emotions out in the open.

She was not at all happy to face a reality of becoming a mother to not one child no it was two. Great she thought just what I need another person to mess up. Sara emotionally felt like she was on a roller coaster she ate some chicken noodle soup out on the patio off her bedroom. She watched as it grew dark outside. The cool wind on her face felt numbing just what she needed to take away her pain. In the darkness the lighthouse look like a beacon of light in the darkness. If only Grissom could follow that beacon and somehow make everything right again. Yeah right thought Sara that is never going to happen.

She pulled on Grissom's Harvard sweatshirt again and crawled into be and let the darkness of the night take her to her dreams. Facing reality was a lot harder than she had ever imagined and she hated doing it alone.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter thirteen an emotional Thunderstorm 

Grissom had been driving across the country for around three days. He was just entering North Carolina he had called the Raleigh Crime Lab and had found out Sara's address. They wouldn't give him her telephone number but at least he knew where she lived now. He had been thinking a lot of different thoughts. Would Sara even accept him back into her life? Would she still love him? Or would she be angry and mad and push him away?

These thoughts all scared Grissom a huge storm was coming in across the sea the rain was pelting down on the windshield of the car. Hank was whining in the back seat. "Calm down, buddy it's going to be okay we are almost there." Grissom was shocked to find out just how good of a companion a dog could be. This was the first road trip that Grissom had ever taken across the country in almost seven years. He was used to flying not driving. It had been quite a three day excursion with a large boxer and a man who didn't know where he was going.

Just then Grissom heard a loud Bang and saw the whole night sky light up. Lightning had just hit right in front of him. Again Hank was whining and barking this time. He was shaking with fear. Grissom knew that he had to get to Sara's house and quick before the storm washed the road out. Another BANG!! This time Hank jumped into the front seat next to grissom and started drooling all over his hand he tried to hold him into place. Grissom just sat there and looked at the dog how panicked with fear Hank was. Grissom started laughing out loud. "Oh Hank come on it is just a lightening storm what is there to be afraid of?" Of course Grissom could not understand how Hank was feeling. He was not used to being on the road in a small car with an emotionally unavailable man. Usually when a storm hit he was safe, warm, and happy curled up on his masters bed.

Sara was watching through the house as the lightning lit up the night sky. So far the power of the old house had been reliable but Sara didn't know how much longer that would last. She hated storms ever since being stuck in the desert under that car and almost drowning it had become a major emotional issue for her. Just then the sky made another loud BANG! Now Sara was stuck in the darkness the power had gone out. She was sitting alone in the living room and was very scared.

Grissom could see the light from the light house across the sea it looked like a beacon of light in an utter dark and gloomy night. He saw the large house in the distance. The lights were all off but he could see Sara's car parked up the long rocky driveway. Grissom was very nervous he didn't know how Sara was going to take him being here after all this time. It had been almost three months since they had spoken. He didn't know if she was living here alone or if she was with someone else. He could only hope he was not too late.

Grissom pulled the car up the long rocky driveway and put Hanks leash on then he left his bags in the car took out his jacket and covered his head with it while holding onto Hanks leash for dear life. They ran up the cement steps luckily the front porch was covered and kept them dry out of the rainy abyss.

Grissom knocked three times on the door hoping that Sara would answer. Sara was sitting in the living room when all of a sudden she heard three loud raps on her door. Who could be out there at this time of night she thought? Her house was the only one on the beach for about three miles there were no neighbors. Maybe someone had gotten caught in the storm and needed help.

Sara wrapped her shawl around her robe and trudged to open the front door. Just as she opened the front door the site in front of her shocked her. There in all his wet glory was Grissom soaked to the bone standing in the darkness holding onto a leash with a frightened boxer drooling at the end.

The dog tore out of Grissom's hand and ran upstairs as fast as his legs could carry him and jumped right into Sara's bed. He got himself under the covers and hid for dear life. Sara just stood there silent in the darkness she didn't know what to say. "Hi, Sara, I came to find you." "I don't want to be alone anymore I missed you terribly." "Get the Hell out of here Grissom!!!" "You are not welcome here I don't want to see you again!" Grissom knew that Sara would be angry but he never thought she would be that mad. With that she slammed the door in his face and walked back and sat down on the couch and started sobbing. Grissom put his ear up to the old wooden door he could hear Sara's racking sobs coming from inside. He quietly opened the door and stepped in. He tentatively walked closer to Sara and sat down on the couch next to her.

"I told you to get out Grissom leave go!" "You are not wanted here!" She turned away from him and ran up the stairs to her bedroom and slammed the door behind her. Grissom at this point was feeling very defeated. Here he had come all this way to be with Sara and she was having none of it. He never thought that she would totally turn him away.

He was sitting in the living room in total darkness the lightning was lighting up the house while it hit. Grissom decided in the storm there was no where else to go. He was going to get through to Sara even if he had to sing to her and beg on his knees. Grissom walked up the dark stair way and down the hall to where he could hear crying. He didn't knock this time he just quietly opened the door and stepped inside.

Sara sat on the bed her eyes glistened in the darkness when the lightning hit he could see it flash in Sara's angry eyes. "I told you to GET OUT!" This time she screamed at him as loud as she could but instead he grabbed her wrists and pulled her close to him. She started hitting him on the chest as hard as she could. But she didn't have much fight left she was scared and exhausted.

All of a sudden the lightning crashed again. Sara started shaking in Grissom's arms. She finally gave up and let him hold her. It felt so nice to be in his arms again he was warm and real. She didn't feel so alone. But then again reality hit her she was pregnant and angry she tried to pull away again. But this time Grissom grabbed her and pulled her close he kissed her fiercely she kissed him back with just as much force. He tore the robe off her shoulders and let it fall to her feet then he lifted her up and threw her down on the bed. Hank heard the commotion and scurried off into the guest bedroom. 

Grissom now had Sara pinned down to the bed and was kissing her with extreme force. It had been far too long without Sara in his life he wanted her and he wanted her now! Sara started unbuttoning his soaking wet shirt finally she had enough she tore it from his chest and ripped it right off him. At first he was stunned but then it didn't matter he started taking off her bra and slid her panties down her legs.

She undid his belt and opened the zipper and slid his pants down his waist. Now he was in nothing but his boxers he laid on top of her and looked at her eyes as they glistened by the light of the lighthouse that lit up her room. She looked absolutely breath taking he had never seen a more beautiful woman in his entire life. There she lay underneath him her beautiful brown curly hair laid gently on the pillow. Her dark brown eyes glistened in the soft light. The rise and fall of her chest captivated him. Her she was Sara, the Sara that he loved more than life itself. She was real and alive. Finally after three months of being alone he was home. He slid off his boxers and joined her in a passionate bliss of romance under the sheets. 

After an hour of lovemaking the power was still off all was quiet in the large house except the breathing of two intertwined people. Sara lay in Grissom's arms she could hardly believe that he was here and that he was real. She looked at him he was fast asleep next to her. 

His scruffy beard was longer than before and his dark eyelashes curled over his sleepy blue eyes. She ran her hands through his salt and pepper curls and smelled the masculine scent that she always loved about him tea and old spice. Yes at that moment Sara felt happy and complete. She knew that she had a whirlwind to face in the morning but for now her beacon of light in the utter darkness had finally found his way home.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter fourteen The Magic of Morning

Sara awoke to the smell of Pancakes coming from downstairs. She had not smelled that familiar smell since she had left Vegas. Then she remembered last night Grissom was here he had come home. At first she thought it was only a dream but now she new it was a reality.

She put her robe on and trudged downstairs to the kitchen to see Grissom over the old cast iron stove cooking pancakes on the old frying pan. "Hey there, sweetie it is good that you are finally up." "I didn't know that old stove even still worked," Sara replied. "Well, it does indeed work and almost better than the new ones that you see today." "I really love this house Sara how did you come across it?" "Well Gil, it was my Grandmother's she left it to me in her will along with all the antiques that go with it." "Well it is truly beautiful I can see myself growing old and dying here."

"I never thought I would hear you say that Gil." "Why did you come after me?" "Look Sara, I was an ass, a complete idiot, after you left nothing was the same anymore." "I started to realize how lonely Hank and I both were." "The crime lab just isn't the same anymore without you and Warrick." "I was stupid Sara please forgive me." "Look Gil, I know that we have our differences and that we don't always see eye to eye but that doesn't mean that we can't work things out together and be happy."

"I am not going back to Vegas Gil, you can beg, borrow, and steal but I am still not going back." "Sara, I don't want you to go back." "I am not going back either I took an early retirement." Sara looked at him completely shocked she started wondering where Grissom was and who had come to replace him.

"Gil, are you sure this is what you want to do?" "Because I am not making you quit we can come and see each other and visit also." "Look, Sara sit down and let me explain?" "The job just isn't the same anymore, I am not getting any younger, and I realized that what I needed was right in front of me this whole time." "Sara, I have never told you this out loud but I feel that I need to it has been far too long." "Sara, I love you with all my heart, you are my one and only also." "Without you Sara my world is nothing, it means nothing to me anymore."

"I wanted to kill myself after you left, I started becoming a drunk and I didn't even show up to work for days at a time." "That is not like me Sara, it is time that I settled down and made a life for myself." "I want to be happy Sara, you make me happy."

Grissom stood up and pulled her close to him. Sara snuggled close to him it all felt so right to finally be in his arms again. Just at that moment she started to feel the sickness again she suddenly pulled away and ran up the stairs to the bathroom. She started retching again over the toilet. Grissom just sat there staring in udder confusion. Had he done something wrong? Was something he said not right? So he walked down the hallway and walked up the spiral stair case to find Sara puking over the toilet.

"Oh honey, you are sick aren't you?" "He started rubbing her back and pulling her hair out of the way." Sara finally felt a little better and she stood up next to him. "Gil lets go sit down on the bed there is something very important that I need to tell you."

He looked at her with a confused look on his face and then walked into the bedroom and sat down on the bed. Sara sat down next to him and took his hand. "Gil, before you say anything I want you to just listen very closely and be patient with me this is not easy for me to say." Grissom silently nodded his head and looked into Sara's Sad brown eyes. "Gil, when I came back for Warrick's funeral everything seemed surreal." "You and I made love that night without even thinking and it was one of the most memorable nights that I can remember."

"Gil, I don't know how else to say this." Sara took his hand and placed it flat on her abdomen. He didn't seem to pick up on the clue so Sara took a gulp and decided to let the cat out of the bag. "Sara, are you okay?" "Are you sick?" "What's wrong honey?"

Sara stood up and started pacing back and forth she didn't realize how hard this was going to be. Facing reality was hard just by yourself. She was so worried what Grissom was going to say. She was afraid that he would get scared and turn tail and run. "Gilbert, I Sara Sidle am twelve weeks pregnant with your children!" "Yes Gilbert I said pregnant and children all in the same sentence we are having twins." There Sara thought I got it all out finally he knows the truth.

Grissom just sat there in utter shock on his face. He didn't know what to say he was completely taken by surprise. How in the world could she be pregnant after only one night? He wasn't sure how to feel he was excited yet a feeling of dread came over him at the same time. That is when he realized that Sara was just standing there hopelessly waiting for his reaction. She bolted out of the room onto the patio and started crying.

"Sara, Wait!" He shouted. He ran out to the patio and sat down next to her and gathered her into his arms. She started hitting his chest again with her fists. "I knew you would be mad and disappointed what was I thinking!" Sara cried. "Oh honey," he softly whispered in her ear. "Shhh he rubbed her back and tried to calm her down. "Sara, look at me." She again tried to turn around and run away. But he held tight to her arms. "Sara, look at me." This time she looked up at him and tears started trailing down her cheeks.

"Sara, I am not mad at all." "I admit that I am scared and shocked but not mad or disappointed." "Sara I came all this way to be with you, I retired from the crime lab I came here to ask you to marry me." Grissom got down on one knee and took Sara's hand and looked into her eyes. "Sara Elizabeth Sidle, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" This time he took a small black box out of his pocket and opened it up and placed a ring on her finger.

Sara looked down at her finger and was completely surprised. The ring was gorgeous it was a one carat princess cut diamond on a platinum band and had three smaller diamonds on either side. "Yes Gilbert, of course I will marry you." "I thought that you would hate me when I told you the news." "No Sara, I could never hate you."

"Look at it this way we get to start a whole new journey together this time as a family with kids and everything." "My mother would be laughing at me right now Sara." "She always used to tell me to get my head out of my ass and settle down and get married but I never did." "Now here I am fifty three years old and expecting a baby."

"Gil, it is not just a baby we are expecting twins that means two babies." Grissom looked at Sara again in utter disbelief. "Did you just say what I think you said?" "Yes, Gil I said twins is that okay with you." "Wow, Sara what a great way to start a new life." "Are you feeling any better?" "We need to get you something to eat."

Sara just sat there and stared at Grissom. She couldn't believe that he was not mad at her. He seemed a little shocked but otherwise completely happy with the news. "Gil, how can you just stand there and act so calm about everything?" "I mean this is you, and I two socially inept people trying to raise twins." "How are we going to do this?"

Grissom started chuckling and laughing he couldn't help it seeing Sara upset and confused at the same time was just too cute for words. "Gil, how can you laugh at a time like this?" "Oh Sara you should see yourself you are totally adorable when you are mad and angry." Sara thought about herself for a minute and decided that maybe Grissom was indeed right. There was nothing that she could do to change the situation at least Grissom had come home to her and they would do this together.

"Honey the only thing we can do is educate ourselves." "No one is ever completely ready to become parents." "That is the fun of it all learning and seeing what surprises lay ahead." "You know Sara, I think somewhere up in Heaven Warrick is watching down on us laughing." "I think it was him who gave us this incredible gift of becoming parents." "Your right Gil, I need to calm down I mean what can I do anyway." "The only thing I can do is learn to love these two little creatures that are half of you and half of me." "That is right Sara; they are half of you and half of me." "Now come on let's go downstairs and get you and the kiddies something to eat." "Alright Gil lets go."

Gil and Sara walked their way down the old stair case to the antique kitchen. Sara finally felt good enough to eat some of Grissom's marvelous chocolate chip pancakes that he had made for her. Maybe just maybe the future would be as bright as the beacon of light in the utter darkness. She would just have to wait until tomorrow to find out.

The story is not done yet just to let everyone know send me a review it always helps there will be a wedding and trials as Grissom and Sara try to make it through to the birth of their babies or will they?


End file.
